Not Your Typical
Working with me is a different experience than traditional couples therapy, for several reasons. First, my approach blends the research-based techniques of the Gottman Method with the practical and research-backed approach of Relational Life Therapy.
This gives you a full-picture approach, and:
- Gives you immediate insight into your relationship.
- Teaches you actionable tools to improve your marriage.
- Addresses the deeper, underlying influences that have led you to where you are.
Secondly, most couples counseling sessions are 50-60 minutes. In my experience, that’s simply not enough time to fully explore and resolve an issue.
By offering 90-minute sessions, I’m able to help you learn techniques for lasting change, not just fix one fight at a time. Many clients tell me the first 90-minute session with me was absolutely relationship-changing.
Is the Passion and Intimacy Gone?
While you might not even remember what started most of your arguments, conflict can chip away at the intimacy in your relationship. After an argument, you might find you lean away just a little bit when your partner goes to kiss you, or that you answer their questions just a little more curtly.
And so it goes…
…conversations are left unsaid.
…arguments left unresolved.
…feelings left unheard.
Maybe you can’t think of a defining moment of crisis in your marriage – it’s simply suffered a thousand small cuts.
Or maybe there has been a defining moment – an acute betrayal.
Either way, passion is gone, and in its place is resentment and hurt.
Addressing the Root of the Problem
with Couples Therapy
The problems you’re having in your relationship right now didn’t come out of nowhere. Whether you were aware of it or not, you learned patterns of behaviors growing up, and so did your partner.
You may have seen dysfunctional relationships as a child and swore that would never happen to you.
Or maybe your family was ideal, and yet you find yourself triggered by the same things over and over.
Either way, here you are.
Couples I see often tell me they’re frustrated, defeated, and have no clue how they ended up where they are.
I’ll help you uncover the root cause of your relationship problems.
Talking about the experiences that have shaped you can feel vulnerable. It can be delicate, and it can be painful.
The beauty of it, though, is that once you understand what’s really going on – once you’re able to scratch below the surface of your defenses, that’s when real change can happen.
Real growth. Real connection.
Despite what every fairy tale tells you, relationships aren’t not always easy. They are, however, the key to happiness.
Your relationship is a structure within which you have a chance to grow, to learn, and ideally, to thrive.
Working with me gives you the tools you need to pursue the vibrant relationship you desire.
A Quote That Deeply Impacts My Practice...
“Family dysfunction rolls down from generation to generation, like a fire in the woods, taking down everything in its path until one person in one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames. That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children that follow.”
-Terry Real, Founder, Relational Life Therapy
The Missing Piece:
Trauma is huge. It’s also largely under-treated and misunderstood.
In my pursuit to offer you the best tools to repair your connection, I discovered the pivotal role of trauma in relationships.
Some of the biggest breakthroughs I see in couples I work with comes from addressing the trauma one or both partners experienced before you even met each other. It’s powerful to recognize something you experienced was in fact a trauma. By naming it, you’re then able to see how that experience has shaped how you relate in relationships.
Examples of traumatic experiences can include:
- Needing to take on a role that’s inappropriate for a child (i.e. taking care of younger siblings, acting as mom’s therapist, being the house peacemaker).
- Having a parent who struggles with mental health or addiction.
- Witnessing or experiencing emotional or physical abuse or neglect.
- Being bullied, whether that’s at home or at school.
- Moving frequently.
The trauma in relationships isn’t always from childhood. In the case of an affair, it clicked for me when I learned the hurt partner often qualifies for a diagnosis of PTS
I have experience working with clients who report symptoms such as:
- Intrusive and unwanted thoughts.
- Exaggerated reactions to non-threatening encounters.
Even if you haven’t experienced an affair in your marriage, my experience and additional training in trauma counseling lets me help you:
- Feel understood, listened to, and safe.
- Navigate your feelings of being triggered, overwhelmed, or defensive.
- Have compassion for yourself and your partner.
- Hear and implement healthy techniques moving forward.
Marriage Counseling Work?
I am currently offering online marriage counseling through secure video-conferencing.
When I first switched to doing my couples counseling sessions online, many of my clients were concerned it would make the experience less valuable.
And to be honest, so was I.
One of the last words anyone would use to describe me is “tech savvy.”
And yet, I’ve been doing couples counseling sessions online for over a year now, and many of my clients tell me they’re never going back!
I’ve found that online marriage counseling has some impressive benefits, including:
- No commute to and from my office, which means a 90-minute session is really 90 minutes, not three hours of your day.
- For clients with children, it often means you don’t have to worry about arranging childcare.
- We can meet from literally anywhere – I want you to be as comfortable as you can be, wherever you are.
With online couples therapy, I get to see “behind the scenes” more than I would in the office. This helps me see your natural, real-life patterns and gain more insight into your relationship.
I’m still able to observe your non-verbal communication (I can hear those sighs!), and seeing you in your home makes the dynamic more human and more natural.
Essentially, it’s more convenient, and you don’t lose anything in the process.
*I am still occasionally offering in-person marriage counseling sessions in Austin, Texas by special request. If you live in Austin and would like to have an in-person couples therapy session, please send me a message.
Start transforming your relationship today – send me a message to get in touch.
Looking for a Jump-Start?
Want to see a difference in your relationship even more quickly? Intensive Couples Therapy may be the right fit for you.