I Don’t Trust You 🤔

How to repair a breach.

“I don’t trust you.” 

I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard one partner say this sentence to the other during my work with couples. Most times, this statement is said in anger and only partially true; yet these words instantly cause a rift in the relationship.

Why Saying This Is Often Unfair

If your partner is a hard worker, a faithful spouse, and a good parent, telling them they aren’t trustworthy isn’t fair. Yes, they might sometimes forget to take out the trash, or maybe they even forgot to pick up the kids at the park this afternoon. 

I understand you’re upset. 

Still, I would rather you say, “I think we have a reliability issue here…when it’s your job to [Fill in the blank], it really is important to follow through.”

The “Anatomy Of Trust”

If you’re grappling with trusting your partner, I really want you to watch Brene Brown’s brilliant  special called the Anatomy of Trust. It will deepen your understanding about how to preserve this critical asset in your relationship:

Brene’s research shows that trust can be broken up into 7 parts using the acronym BRAVING

Boundaries – Do you uphold my boundaries and do I uphold yours?

Reliability – Are we reliable by doing what we say and have committed to do?

Accountability – Are we accountable when we make a mistake or hurt the other person?

Vault – Do we protect each other’s secrets and things shared vulnerably?

Integrity – Do we act with Integrity?

Non-Judgment – Do we refrain from judging each other?

Generosity – Do we give each other the benefit of the doubt?

Would You Like Help?

Do you need help repairing a breach of trust in your relationship? In my online course, How To Heal, I walk you step-by-step through the process of repair so you and your partner can heal the past and move forward with a blank slate. 

Please click the button above to learn more about this course and whether it’s right for you. Note: You can take this course with or without your partner.

If you feel you need more help than a course, and you’re interested in intensive couples counseling, please reach out to me here.